This week has been a rough week for the both of us. For some reason, we just kept having conflicts and arguments.
It started during the weekend with the car incident. I haven't let it pass yet.
Then now it's about Plato. It's not that I dislike Plato, I'm just sick of losing. Sometimes I'll play along with you even though I don't really feel like it. It's more like trying to entertain you but it's really dreadful for me. I'm not into competition games and I have to pretend to have fun and say good job to you when you score. My patience has reached its' limit yesterday. I was so burnt out from being on auto pilot during the day and at night I have to entertain and babysit my partner. I'm tired too. I just wanted to talk and rest my mind. I don't want to play games and pretend I'm having fun.
I guess you didn't take the hint during the rematch when I said I wanted to win. I meant it. I thought you would let me win but seems like our score was 5-2? Out of all the games we played; poker, archery, bounce, mini golf, darts, war ships, I thought I finally found a game which I can win. Seems like that's not it. I suck at Go Fish too. I immediately delete the application after we ended the game. You asked me if I really did. I sent you a screenshot of my app store and that's when you became sad. I wanted to talk things out but you didn't want to. We were on call for a few minutes just idling. I just wanted to turn off the lights and talk about the issue but you didn't want to . It's okay. I respect your decision. We both promised not to go to bed sad and would always resolve it at the end of the day. We broke our own rule.
You've asked me "How long do you think we will last?". I said for as long as we can. I'm having second thoughts about that. The more I think, the more differences we have. You like spicy food, but I don't. You like to sleep in late but I'm an early riser. You told me at during the early stage of our relationship that you wanted a supportive partner. I don't think I'm doing a good job. I'm probably adding more stress on your already stressful job. I meant it when I said I was a stress hole. I was waiting for your reply when you're resting and busy getting lost in IG. You're right, you needed rest from work and from me. I don't think I'm healthy for you. I feel like I'm weighing you down.
I deleted the butterfly park schedule in our calendar. It's Thursday today and if we can't solve our issue, it's going to be a disastrous outing. It's better that we call it off. You've been sleep deprived and it's selfish of me to ask you to wake up early just to go there. I was really excited to go to the park. I googled for the areas to park, the best time to visit, the price of entrance fees, and the surrounding areas that we can visit. I even packed my camera, mini fan, mosquito patch, tiny bottles of water, tissues, cap and umbrella to go. I realised that it might be a one sided thing. You might not want to go and is just entertaining me like the way I pretend to have fun on Plato. I don't want to inconvenient others just for the sake of myself. I still want to go to the park.
We're not over. I still love you very much. I need to patch up my well being first before I can face you with a smiling face.
I'm not well. I'm so burnt out from everything.
