We've just celebrated our half year anniversary over the weekends yay
We were very lucky to be able to find parking at our dining place. We were also very lucky that we had seats at the ice cream place. There was a long queue behind us as we were ordering our ice-cream.
Then after that things became bad. When we were trying to exit the parking, there were many cars around so it was difficult to come out. We were holding up the traffic because we keep reversing in and out of the parking spot. I got frustrated and told you to let me do it instead but you insist to keep trying. With the help of two men, we were able to exit the parking spot but I said some very mean things later.
You got mad at me and didn't wanna talk or hold my hand. I think that's where everything started going wrong. I felt my stomach sank because I knew things were gonna be worse if the argument was even bigger. I wish you would say something mean and we could have went home right after that. We almost did everything you wanted to do and I hope you forgive me for being mean. We went home afterwards and I just brushed everything off.
On Sunday when we were having night call, you asked me if I really meant what I said on Saturday. That's when I felt 'oh, he actually remembers it and probably hasn't forgiven me.' I felt like crying so I requested you to say some mean things to me. You didn't want to say it at first but afterwards you suddenly said you hated me. I guess that was what I wanted to hear on Saturday night. It made everything better during that moment but I can't stop replaying the sentence in my head.
I guess I have to prep myself for worse situations if we ever argued again. It also could mean you leaving me or ignoring me for days. I don't know, I just felt very alone. During the start of the relationship I said we should always be independent. I got comfortable with you and started relying on you a little too much. I imagine if we don't make it till the end, I'll be left alone again. I know you don't mean what you said and would always hold my hand. I don't want to burden you with my thoughts especially when work is already so hard on you.
You're too good for me. I don't know what I can do to make everything better. I don't even know what sin you've committed in your past life to be dating someone like me or what good things have I done in my previous life to find someone like you now. I guess I'll just be quiet next time and not say anything. My harsh words ended up hurting myself.
I just want you to know, you don't always have to hold my hand.
